"Where are you?"
"What is that in your hand?"
"What do you see?"
"Do you want to be healed?"
"Who do you say that I am?"
One of the chief ways God engages with people in the Bible is through questions.* A question demands a response and shows a desire by the questioner to move into deeper relationship. But the value of questioning isn't restricted to relationships between God and his people - well placed questions are valuable in any relationship.
As I interact with my children, I have found that asking good questions is a valuable way to guide them through finding solutions to their problems. One example is the case of a child who makes demands with an air of entitlement.
"I'm thirsty!" says E5, expecting me to drop everything and fill his cup with water.
"Oh. What are you going to do?"
"Ask you. Can I please have some water?"
Much better. I fill his cup.
I hear sounds of frustrated younger brothers and a gloating older brother. I am tempted to lay into the boy I am sure is guilty of aggravating his smaller siblings. But I try a question instead.
"Are you treating your brothers with righteousness and justice?"
"Oops." No more needs to be said.
Sometimes, more does need to be said. If I am dealing with a child who has made a profession of faith in Jesus but is deliberately being unkind, I can ask, "If Jesus were sitting here, knowing what is in your heart, would he be pleased with you?" Or, "Are you treating your brother the way you would like to be treated?" There is usually something instructive to be gained from, "Why do you want to upset your brother?" (It's important to make sure the tone of voice communicates a desire to know, not just to accuse).
Sometimes, my first impression of the situation is faulty. By starting with a question, the child can say, "I am actually acting with justice here because my brother..." and I am reminded to try to get everyone's perspective. Of course, more questions are a good way to achieve this. A conflict is not always one-sided.
While writing this, I notice H8, our "do-it-yourself child", who is frying eggs in the nonstick frying pan. He has a metal knife and is about to cut the eggs apart.
"What are you doing with that knife?" I ask sharply.
He drops the knife and starts making defensive noises. I realize he doesn't know why I used that tone of voice. I go into the kitchen.
"Do you know why I don't want you to use the knife on that frying pan?"
"Because you don't want me to break the yolks?"
"No, it's actually because a metal knife can scratch the nonstick coating on the frying pan. If that happens, food will start sticking to it and it will be less useful."
Had I left the situation where it was when he dropped the knife, he might just have decided to be extra careful to cut deeply into the eggs (and frying pan) far from the yolks. By questioning, I could find out how he was thinking about the situation and instruct him more effectively.
I have found questioning to be one of my most valuable parenting tools as I attempt to grow in gentleness. And it's good to know that by asking questions, I'm imitating the way God interacts with his children, including myself.
*If you want to read an entire book on the subject of questioning and the three major monotheistic religions, check out my dad's work, The Questioning God.
"What is that in your hand?"
"What do you see?"
"Do you want to be healed?"
"Who do you say that I am?"
One of the chief ways God engages with people in the Bible is through questions.* A question demands a response and shows a desire by the questioner to move into deeper relationship. But the value of questioning isn't restricted to relationships between God and his people - well placed questions are valuable in any relationship.
As I interact with my children, I have found that asking good questions is a valuable way to guide them through finding solutions to their problems. One example is the case of a child who makes demands with an air of entitlement.
"I'm thirsty!" says E5, expecting me to drop everything and fill his cup with water.
"Oh. What are you going to do?"
"Ask you. Can I please have some water?"
Much better. I fill his cup.
I hear sounds of frustrated younger brothers and a gloating older brother. I am tempted to lay into the boy I am sure is guilty of aggravating his smaller siblings. But I try a question instead.
"Are you treating your brothers with righteousness and justice?"
"Oops." No more needs to be said.
Sometimes, more does need to be said. If I am dealing with a child who has made a profession of faith in Jesus but is deliberately being unkind, I can ask, "If Jesus were sitting here, knowing what is in your heart, would he be pleased with you?" Or, "Are you treating your brother the way you would like to be treated?" There is usually something instructive to be gained from, "Why do you want to upset your brother?" (It's important to make sure the tone of voice communicates a desire to know, not just to accuse).
Sometimes, my first impression of the situation is faulty. By starting with a question, the child can say, "I am actually acting with justice here because my brother..." and I am reminded to try to get everyone's perspective. Of course, more questions are a good way to achieve this. A conflict is not always one-sided.
While writing this, I notice H8, our "do-it-yourself child", who is frying eggs in the nonstick frying pan. He has a metal knife and is about to cut the eggs apart.
"What are you doing with that knife?" I ask sharply.
He drops the knife and starts making defensive noises. I realize he doesn't know why I used that tone of voice. I go into the kitchen.
"Do you know why I don't want you to use the knife on that frying pan?"
"Because you don't want me to break the yolks?"
"No, it's actually because a metal knife can scratch the nonstick coating on the frying pan. If that happens, food will start sticking to it and it will be less useful."
Had I left the situation where it was when he dropped the knife, he might just have decided to be extra careful to cut deeply into the eggs (and frying pan) far from the yolks. By questioning, I could find out how he was thinking about the situation and instruct him more effectively.
I have found questioning to be one of my most valuable parenting tools as I attempt to grow in gentleness. And it's good to know that by asking questions, I'm imitating the way God interacts with his children, including myself.
*If you want to read an entire book on the subject of questioning and the three major monotheistic religions, check out my dad's work, The Questioning God.
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